Sex is fun. We love sex. But in order to make it enjoyable for everyone involved, you need to learn one single rule – talk before doing anything sexual to the other person. You want to find out as much information about their likings as possible. Communication is key.
It’s always best to talk face to face with your partner and ask them a few important questions about what they enjoy in sex, how they care about their health, what is off the limits, etc. This doesn’t have to be an awkward conversation at all. These questions can be brought up in a conversation naturally. You can ask them on one of your first dates if both of you are comfortable with each other. You can also have these conversations over the phone or over text. If you met someone on a hookup app, such as TalkingAboutSex, you can always ask the necessary questions online while sexting or video chatting with your match. It’s a lot less stressful and can be quite hot. TalkingAboutSex app also provides you with maximum security so you can relax and be yourself with a potential partner without worrying about your personal information being leaked.
Sex education doesn’t end in high school. You need to keep asking questions to learn, stay safe, and make you and your new partner enjoy the time you spend together.
So without further ado, here are the basic questions you need to ask your new crush before having sex with them.
Have you been tested for STDs/HIV?
This is one of the first and most important questions you need to ask. Your life literally depends on it 🙂 We live in a day and age when people (for the most part) can enjoy their freedom and have sex with as many partners as they want without society shaming them. However, it brings certain risks.
People are likely to answer yes if you ask them if they’ve been tested for STDs. However, for many of them, it will not be the case. The vast majority of physicians do not screen their clients automatically for STDs. So if they haven’t specifically asked their doctor for (at least) chlamydia and gonorrhea tests, they definitely don’t know their health status.
If someone says they’ve been tested for STDs, they will know what illnesses they have been tested for. So if they are not able to tell you, this is a huge red flag. If they just can’t remember the type of the tests, they can always call their doctor or pull up their test results.
By the way, HIV is an STD as well, so if you or your partner have been previously exposed to unprotected sex or other exposure of body fluids, you have to get tested. Routine HIV testing is always a good idea. Especially considering you can do the test anonymously and for free in most countries. Better safe than sorry.
An annual HIV test is usually advisable and should be done when changing partners.
Are you ready to have safe sex?
Your sexual health should be your priority and your responsibility. Never rely only on your partner’s contraceptives. Always have condoms, spermicide, and other back-up contraception on hand. This way you’ll always be safe, and you won’t find yourself in that awkward situation when both of you are turned on and ready for sex but have to stop and go find a pharmacy to buy condoms. And remember that even if both partners use a form of birth control, you still need to protect yourself against STDs.
Are you currently involved with someone?
Long-term monogamous relationships have the lowest risk to your sexual health. However, this form of relationship is not for everyone. Besides, most people are not ready to be monogamous after the first sexual contact with a new partner. Responsible non-monogamy is not necessarily any less safe than serial monogamy. But you need to make sure that your partner has safe sex with their other partners, as well as they have with you. This knowledge is crucial to maintain your physical and emotional health in your new relationship.
What do you enjoy in sex?
It would help if you learned as much as you can about your partner’s preferences. You can tell your partner about yourself first, so they don’t feel awkward. It’s not that easy to be vulnerable, and not everyone feels comfortable sharing their sex quirks. But it’s much easier after you hear that your partner is open with you and also has some quirks.
What is crucial for you to have pleasure? Do you like to dominate or to be dominated? Do you like fingering? Are you up for dirty talk? Do you orgasm from rubbing? Do you feel comfortable with being completely naked? Do you expect sex between us to be romantic or animalistic? Such questions will help you realize if you’re a good match for each other and if the sex is going to be hot for both of you.
What makes you uncomfortable?
It might feel hard to talk about all the things you dislike in sex with a new partner. One might think that sharing their dislikes will be a turn-off or will make another person feel rejected. But in reality, having an honest conversation will only make your sex better.
Is there anything you don’t enjoy in sex? Are there any popular sex practices you definitely dislike? How do you feel about fingering? How do you feel about oral sex? How do you feel about anal? Etc.
These questions are essential to set the boundaries and check your sexual compatibility. If something is triggering or unpleasant for your potential partner – you need to know it beforehand to avoid awkward or traumatic experiences during sex.
Do you orgasm?
There are people who expect to have orgasms, and there are those who prefer not to finish during sex. There are those who cum only from masturbation and those who do not cum at all. Some want to learn how to orgasm during sex, and some are comfortable not having orgasms at all. People may feel shy or embarrassed to say what their preferences are. So it’s always better to initiate a safe and honest conversation. You can start with sharing your own experience with orgasms and then ask your partner all the questions you want to ask. For example, how many partners have successfully given you an orgasm? Have you ever had a G-spot orgasm? How long does it typically take you to orgasm when you’re alone? Have you ever had multiple orgasms? In general, these questions should help you to better understand and support each other.
Do I need to ask your consent for something while we have sex?
You can’t keep asking permission for every little thing during sex because it’ll probably distract both of you. However, you need to know what is absolutely necessary to ask consent for. Do you want me to ask for your consent before touching your genitals? Should I ask before entering you? Etc. When you have sex for the first time, you still don’t know your partner well enough to be sure if they like what you’re doing at every given moment.
Do we need to have a safeword?
A safeword is often associated with extreme sex practices, but it may be useful in a more relaxed environment as well. For example, if you or your partner are not always good with voicing their boundaries during sex, the stop word can come in handy.
Let’s agree on a safe word just in case we need it? Which one should we choose?
The safe word should be a word that both of you don’t really associate with sex talk, such as ‘pineapple’ or ‘teapot,’ or else.
What do you want to try right now?
What do you think of when you imagine sex with me? What turns you on about me right now? These questions will help you get a vibe of what your partner expects from you and what you can do to make them feel good. It’s common for people to discover new kinks or desires when they meet a new partner. You might inspire them to explore their sexuality and experiment with new things.
Are you OK with using sex toys?
Sex toys make certain sensations possible that might not be available for you otherwise, no matter how skilled you and your partner are. Sex educator Lisa Finn says, “Conversations about sex toys will help you and your partner get used to talking about what sensations you enjoy.” Obviously, you need to always ask for consent before using a sex toy on your partner. Be really specific about what toy you want to try and why. Be sure to get their feedback during and after you used a sex toy. And remember, sex toys are designed to bring you both new levels of pleasure, not new levels of stress 🙂
